User blog:The Sam Puckett/iCarly Abridged Episode 2!!!!!
Disclaimer: I don’t own iCarly, but I’ll try to put up more episodes faster than they do! iCarly The Abridged Series Episode Two: iRarely Air On TV And I Don't Know Why! scene: iCarly is airing with Carly holding up a bra and a potato CARLY: This, my friends, is what Sam always keeps on her at all times. She says it’s a ninja thing. SAM: It’s true! The rule to being a ninja is you never leave yourself unprotected, or hungry! CARLY: Well, that solves it. I’m never becoming a ninja because Sam eats all my food… SAM: Carls, can we talk about this later? CARLY: ''' Sure, right after we observe this horrid mole on the 34 year old lobbyist suffering a mid-life crisis. '''SAM: Yeah, my girlfriend terrorizes the middle-aged man, even though he has one of the most annoying jobs in the country! CARLY: Our wonderful technical producer- SAM: ''' Wonderful? He thinks he’s someone new every week! '''FREDDIE: And this week, I’m Toplin from that short movie "Gym Teach- SAM: No one cares, it’s time for me to hide my secret love for you by treating you like garbage! CARLY: Yeah, just push a button Freddie. FREDDIE: Pushing, my love! LEWBERT CLIP LEWBERT: But you promised you’d call me! IT’S BEEN THREE YEARS! LADY: (WITH AN ENGLISH ACCENT) Good heavens, no! I was intoxicated when I met you- LEWBERT: (LOOKING AT HER DOG) Is that our son? WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER TELL ME WE HAD A SON! LADY: I never wanted you to find out! LEWBERT: (TO DOG) I am your father, you obey me now! TALK! LIKE! I! DO! CARLY: Then things only got weirder… CHANGES THE CLIP LEWBERT: COOKIE! I haven’t had a decent meal in weeks! (EATS COOKIE OUT OF A KID’S HAND) BOY: AH! The monster’s trying to eat me! WOMAN: I’ll call security, honey! SECURITY GUARD: (IN A DEEP, INTIMIDATING VOICE) Hey, what’s going on that I was conveniently here to witness? LEWBERT: (POPS BALLOON) COP: (GASPS) You popped a balloon! I’m going to arrest you! CARLY: You see, the man’s obviously gone crazy, and needs some serious medical help… SAM: So we’re gonna give him a heart attack, and bother him for no apparent reason, other than “kids rule”! (SAM PICKS UP A PHONE AND DIALS A NUMBER) LEWBERT: (ANSWERS, AND IS ALREADY DRUNK AT 9 PM) Hello, what are you wear- AH!!! (CARLY BLOWS AN AIRHORN INTO THE RECEIVER) CARLY: iCarly, a show where we broadcast the weirdos of the world- SAM: And bring dogs together with their biological fathers… CARLY: K, we’re done now, get out! SAM: ''' Yeah, or we’ll do this to you! '''LEWBERT: (PICKS UP THE PHONE AGAIN) Hey, I didn’t even get your num- AH!!! (CARLY BLOWS THE AIRHORN AGAIN) FREDDIE: QUICKLY Wait, I have to say in five, four, three, two, uhh what comes after- “FRIENDS” THEME SONG TO NEXT SCENE, WHERE FREDDIE RUNS INTO THE KITCHEN, TO FIND CARLY AND SAM FREDDIE: Hello, love of my life, did you enjoy watching me run like a spazz? SAM: Listen, doof, it is long overdue that we fight over Carly like it is implied we usually do- FREDDIE: Sam, stop breaking the fourth wall! SAM: No, you stop oogling my girlfriend- FREDDIE: My girlfriend!- SAM: No, mine!- FREDDIE: Why don’t you just admit you’re in love with me- SAM: I would, if you weren’t gonna say that in iWas a Pageant Girl- FREDDIE: Ha! You love me! ARGUE INCESSANTLY, UNTIL CARLY SPRAYS THEM BOTH WITH WATER SAM: Hey what gives, you hit him more than me! FREDDIE: Yeah! And that’s not even water! CARLY: How dare you two stop fighting over me! Oh, and Spencer always told me that making people wet always solves problems. SAM: Then why’d you hit the nerd? FREDDIE: Hey, I happen to enjoy- AH! SAM: AH! ARE SPRAYED AGAIN BY CARLY CARLY: Now behave, or no dinner for you guys! (CALLS OUT) Spencer! Stop being a lazy bum, and come eat the dinner I slaved over! (TO SAM AND FREDDIE) Sam, flirt with my brother, and we’re over. SAM: No promises… RUNS IN WITH A TOILET SEAT LID SPENCER: ''' I broke the toilet! Now what? '''CARLY: We’re gonna eat and discuss the point of this episode! SAM: And this is where Spam was born! SPENCER: I’m going to talk about gross things to ruin Freddie’s dinner! By the way, why do we always pick on him? IS HOLDING UP HIS FOOD, HORRIFIED, THEN PUTS IT DOWN SAM: Because, until iWill Date Freddie, Freddie’s the kid everyone picks on until girls realize he is hot. Sam does not like this! FREDDIE AT FOOD I. ONLY. WANT. MEGAN. SAM: Ah, Freddie, again with the Megan? SPENCER: Who’s Megan, is she hot? SAM: Freddie thinks Carly is Megan . And you just called your sister hot! FREDDIE: I’m going to marry her! Anything you have to say to that? SPENCER: Awkward… CARLY: While this is still about me, we need a real plot here, so anything else? SAM: Yeah, I’m pregnant, Carls. FREDDIE: Megan, you look exquisite… SAM: Why don’tcha just marry her if you think she’s so hot? FREDDIE: Sam, you’re not supposed to be jealous, that is out of character for you! SAM: Oh, shut up and bend over already, comedic reli- AH! SPRAYS THEM ONCE… AGAIN CARLY: I see that the spray bottle will be pivotal to the plot in this episode. Whatever, I’ll just say we’re going to get more viewers this week, and we’ll have a contest against each other to see who can get more people to watch the show. SAM: Shadi the main character, betches! That ensures me a win! FREDDIE: Ah, not my love muffin! Why do you always have to win? SAM: Because I’m the loveable bad (insert foghorn noise here) that everyone wants to succeed, even though I’m probably evil. Maybe. SPENCER: Ah, the classic boys versus girls match. I had a girl this week, but she didn’t like seeing me in my light up in the dark socks. SAM: Light up in the… dark? UNVEILS HIS LIGHT UP IN THE DARK SOCKS SAM: (THINKING) That was sooo hot!!! FREDDIE: It’s settled, we’re going to have a contest! SAM: Not before one more obligatory joke about you and how I once wore your antibacterial- SPRAYS SAM CARLY: We do not pick on friends. Also, you’re supposed to be fighting over me only, ok? SAM: (SHRUGS) Only if you promise to do that again. SPENCER: Let’s have Lewbert be in the plot! CARLY: Hell no! (SAYS RAPIDLY) Loser touches Lewbert’s wart! SAM: Yeah, I’m switching to whatever team Spencer’s on, peace, Carls! TO SCENE WHERE SPENCER RUNS UP TO FREDDIE IN SCHOOL BUMPS HIS HEAD ON HIS LOCKER FREDDIE: Ow! Spencer! If it was for your hot sister, I’d seriously kick your- SPENCER: (CUTTING HIM OFF) I had a dream! We’re going to lose the contest anyways, so picture this: We make the biggest traffic jam, ever! Then we’ll break a world record! FREDDIE: No, we won’t because then we’ll have a record for that, and no point to iWant a World Rec- SPENCER: The sign can say “Marry me, Carly!” FREDDIE: That’s genius! (THEN QUICKLY ADDS) Make it say “Megan” or no deal. SPENCER: Whatever, weirdo, I get to explode things! YAY! MISS BRIGGS: Spencer, cutting again? SPENCER: Haha, no, I graduated! Good try though! MISS BRIGGS: I failed you six times, you didn’t graduate. SPENCER: Oh, right… FREDDIE: (NERVOUSLY) ' Uh, I don’t know him… '(TO SPENCER) Run before she expels you! SPENCER: I didn’t fail- oh yeah, Spenish class… That was you? FREDDIE: Don’t look directly into her eyes? MISS BRIGGS: Seriously, are you two wetting yourselves? Do I have to get some diaper- FREDDIE: Run, or she’ll get us both! (PULLS SPENCER OUTSIDE) TO SCENE WHERE CARLY AND SAM ARE ON THE COUCH WATCHING TV GRABS SAM’S WRIST CARLY: I got it! Despite Seattle’s horrible weather, and the extreme unlikelihood of us realistically getting on a show that popular, we’re gonna make a big, non-water proof sign! SAM: Why’d you let go…? CARLY: Stop Sam, or there’ll be no point to having Freddie on the show. SAM: Whatever, I’m the cutest person on the- CARLY: SAM WITH WATER... WHILE SAM IS SECRETLY WONDERING IF THIS IS CARLY’S MEANS OF FOREPLAY SAM: Ok, so are you! TO SCENE WHERE CARLY AND SAM ARE OUTSIDE THE STUDIO OF SEATTLE BEAT SIGN GETS WET, AND WASHES AWAY CARLY: Well, at least we gave homage to that video by T.a.t.U… TO SCENE WHERE FREDDIE AND SPENCER ARE WORKING ON THEIR ELECTRONIC SIGN SPENCER: (ZAPPED) OW! Freddie, that shock hurt me, will you kiss my boo-boo? AND SAM ENTER THE ROOM, SOAKED CARLY: We’re wet in more places than one. SAM: (THINKING) ''' Says you. Speaking of wet… its Spencer. '''SPENCER: I got a boo-boo… FREDDIE: Sam, you suck. Megan you don’t. SPENCER: (CELL PHONE RINGS) I’m just gonna let this sign drop on you while I take my call. (ON THE PHONE) Oh hey, non-existent person! I’m not abusing a child. K, bye! TO SCENE WHERE ICARLY IS WEBCASTING SAM: Hey, this week I got a dude to dress up in a bunny suit! CARLY: True story, let’s see it! SAM: Nerd, that means you! FREDDIE: Who’s in denial? TO BOYS ON SCREEN BOY IN BUNNY SUIT: We’re sooo not high! I love iCarly! And bunnies! So do you think Carly can wear one? CARLY: Ok, so now we know Sam lost her privileges for the week. SAM: At least I enjoyed it! CARLY: ' So now we’re just gonna cut Sam off, and see what Spencer’s doing to fill up the duration of this webcast! 'TO SPENCER WEARING HEADPHONES ON THE SCREEN SPENCER: I’m eating a taco! What’s up Carly? CARLY: Spencer, what are you doing? SPENCER: I decided since we were going to lose, I’d make a traffic jam and get arrested! K, bye kiddo! A BUTTON TO LIGHT UP HIS SIGN Hehe! I freaking win! SAM: Yep, that’s my best friend’s brother… For his sexy points, I give him a- BUTTON OF HER REMOTE, WHICH YELLS OUT THE NUMBER 8 Carly: I get a 10, Spencer, Freddie. BEGIN TO CRASH SPENCER: AT WRECKAGE You saw nothing! TO AVOID THE POLICE TO ICARLY TRIO IN KITCHEN SAM: I can’t believe he got arrested... check it out! FREDDIE: Of course you’d say that. SAM: Freddie, if we keep fighting, people are gonna think we love- CARLY: Ok, that’s it. Keep making things obvious, because I’m leaving- DOOR TO SEE SPENCER AND OFFICER CARL. SPENCER WALKS IN AND WAVES OFFICER CARL: This junkie your brother? CARLY: For five bucks, maybe. OFFICER CARL: Well, we’ve got no room for him at the pen, so we’re releasing him, despite the fact that he injured and potentially kill- (You can’t say kill on a kid’s show!) CARLY: Nope, not my brother! SPENCER: I’m sorry, can we be BFFLS forever… please? CARL BACKS OUT, THEN COMES BACK IN OFFICER CARL: (SNIFFS LOTION, AND RUBS IT ON HANDS) Haha, bet you wish you could do this, huh junkie! Mind freak!!! SPENCER: (WHISPERS LOUDLY) He’s totally baked! CARLY, SAM AND FREDDIE: We know… CARLY: Look at the comments we got about you Spence! SAM: (READS) Dude, the bit with the foreign kid drinking spaghetti was ‘eh’, but when Spencer got arrested, I wet my pants!!! Signed, Toplin13 FREDDIE: What a cool kid! CARLY: Freddie, the point of comments is to hear other people’s opinions. Anyways, this one reads “Carly and Sam, stop messing with people’s heads and just date already. Love, Camftw!” SPENCER: Hold on, what do you guys do on your show? And didn’t we all lose? CARLY: Well- SAM: We lost first, so I’m touchin’ it. SPENCER: Ooo, can we watch? CARLY: What the heck, why not? It’s not like we have any homework to do or anything. FREDDIE: What Megan said. SPENCER: Wait! I’ve gotta pee! ICARLY GANG, WITH SPENCER, RUNS OUTSIDE TO FIND A BUSH, AND WATCH SAM POP LEWBERT’S WART. END SCENE. So, installment II is up!!! Whatcha think webbers of the world? Category:Blog posts